sometimes i remember old words...

"Who has never killed an hour? Not casually or without thought, but carefully: a premeditated murder of minutes. The violence comes from a combination of giving up, not caring, and a resignation that getting past it is all you can hope to accomplish. So you kill the hour. You do not work, you do not read, you do not daydream. If you sleep it is not because you need to sleep. And when at last it is over, there is no evidence: no weapon, no blood, and no body. The only clue might be the shadows beneath your eyes or a terribly this line neat the corner of your mouth indication that something has been suffered, that in the privacy of your life you have lost something and the loss is too empty to share." ~Mark Z. Danielewski

I want blank pages and pens, space enough to just let it all go -- to
transcribe some history of these days, I fear, as usual, that words
won't suffice and that a lack of expression will result in blankness.
There is potential for waste, breaking and color. Yet a clouded
existence prevents action.

I'd take it all back if I could, rewrite spoken history transferred on
wires on far away roads, pacific waters drenching my thoughts, my
seams. There's a waxing moon in Brooklyn, fall is here - rooftop views
are clear and full of stars. I'll take it.

I like when I wake up with a cold nose.

emd 09/22/09

caught

so tonight i was once again caught by bad news from notre dame. you would think that for the size of community we were that we've suffered enough but again we were fooled. first it was joe, then jane, then bubby, (somewhere in there was mckelvey) im sure there have been folks in between that i missed, it does not mean you are forgotten, this is an adlib late night entry... but now its billy and lindsey's mom... cant we catch a break.. i mean really? who is up there? who is watching over us? i'm at a loss...im not quite sure what to do anymore. a little help would be useful down here.

sitting favorite in my rooftop chair because the ceiling over my bed feels too low;
     looking at lights piercing clouds    

     instead of studying stones and 

     collections of old night-sky lights.

i'm curious as to when new york lost these degrees and we began unpacking blankets.

     i dont so much mind the crisp air 

     creeping into the night, it usually 

     brings with it a clear sky;

     music is constant yet somehow   

     different but beautiful all the same.

it seems fair to say that time and distance made things easier, yet here i am, in a borough of five avoiding city subway cars.

     i'm navigating right angles and 

     bridges knowing that the sky is 

     darkening earlier, this is no 

     extraordinary secret, all you have to    

     do is look up.  

being back here makes me think about making a run for it but i'm no more certain about a final destination than before. 

     i know i could cover my tracks as i 

     always have but maybe this time    

     i'm looking to be found; it 

     compounds sleeplessness.

it's overcast in the city tonight and i'm thinking about holes in my safety net, okay with the fall.  

--
---

NYC Re-entry

where to begin...

I got into Brooklyn on Monday night at 10ish - I couldn't unpack, which is very unlike me. instead i tried* to say hey to Stuart but then I decided that I just wanted to hang on my roof...so i did.

It was such a head-trip to come back to my apartment, since coming to NYC this was the longest I was outside of NYC. Let's be real, 17 days is by no means an extreme amount of time, I guess it is more of what occurred during those days that made it seem to go on forever and at the same time fly by.

I promise that in the next few days I will:

1. post some wrap up thoughts of my trip
2. post a link to where you can find all the pictures I uploaded
3. announce the winner of the best road trip mix
4. give everyone who made a mix a "Best of Road Trip '09 Mix" that I will create using the songs on the cds that folks gave me
5. get everyone together for drinks and story time with the road tripper

Until then, I'm navigating things like avoiding the subway and trying to acclimate to coming back to one of the busiest weeks at work...nothing like the 9/11 anniversary when you boss is the lead sponsor of a bill that would provide healthcare to the responders, residents, and office workers or equally time consuming the myriad of other issues that are all coming to a head...

I havent unpacked my camping bag, somehow I find comfort in selecting my clothes (read underwear, socks, etc) from there as opposed to my drawers. Now if I could find a way to put my work clothes in there without getting wrinkled I'd be set.

Alright, so the bottom line is...I owe you.


*he came near me and then backed away :(

Dear Brooklyn:

This time tomorrow I'll be back, are you ready?

I hear there is a primary in 9, soon to be 8 days. How did I hear this
you ask? Oh right, because I got interupted in Arkansas.

Bring it.

Sincerely yours,

Erin Marie Drinkwater

Ps - NYC if you could not rain on tuesday so I have a pleasant bike
ride to work, I'll owe you one.

Pps - if somehow my drycleaning could magically get to my apt so I
have a suit for Tuesday that would be cool too.

Good luck and good night.